Sex and My Bare Chest

Over the weekend, one of my friends, Vanessa Mbamarah and contributing author of my soon-to-be-released Anthology, sent me a rather interesting message about sex and what women are looking for in the men we seek out, a sex partner or a building partner?

Of course I went off in my signature alleluia dance waving my lace PANTIES in the air. Its the unholy dance I do, when I read something that deeply stirs my belly and stimulates my mind to consciousness. She was spot on. We think we want a building partner but somehow most of us end up choosing a sex partner...I would know right? Ha ha ha.

And It was almost as if I myself had written that article - except no, it was the french speaking Bellisima in uptown Benin Republic waking us up with her #BuildRegardless mindset for the new week.

It had me thinking deeply of my own honest views about sex... And how as a single woman, I am able to somehow draw a line on what is permissible for me and what it isn't. In this book I'm able to have that downright NAKED & unfiltered conversation with myself. And if you think I'm crazy here's a chance to read excerpts from my own personal chapter in I BARED MY CHEST: 21 Unstoppable Women Dig For Bold & Bravely Share Their NAKED Truth. In CHAPTER 2: NAKED Is Not Covered Up... I STRIP the blinds on sex. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

What if I said there was something spiritual about sex? Oh! I have been known to scream “Oh God…Oh God…”. Ha! If the sex is good, you’ll hear me call on God’s name.

Yass! I am not calling the name of the man lying naked on top of me, slamming away. Geez! No! It’s the other one – watching us all perform. I don’t know how many times I have called God – unknowingly invited him in to my shebang. I mean they say, when you call on him – God answers.

Does he answer when I make those weird calls? Sometimes, I even wonder if he has a show-reel of all of us going at it. He He…I don’t mean in a perverse way. But I can't help but wonder.

For me – Sex isn’t just two bodies laying together. It is two spirits merging in to one, and accepting each other at that very moment, flaws, warts and all. It is the most intimate and intrusive connection you can have with another being.
Yet, Sex is one word, one act - we have been subconsciously taught to become weary of…And I can’t believe for years, how afraid I was of the idea of letting someone of the male specie, lay with me. You see when I was in high school, most of my friends already had sexual encounters with their boyfriends. I had a boyfriend…but, I never let him go down the valley with me.

In fact I had already dated two or three guys…And it was nothing more than a kiss, a hug and a freaking good smooch...Let’s say we always stopped at second base. If their fingers got anywhere near my knickers, the alarm will ring. No I wasn’t wearing the church bells around my panties. I won’t pretend to be a miss goody two shoes.

I was just afraid – like many girls, afraid to discover the pleasure a few of my girlfriends, had whispered about and experimented with.
Even as I grew a few years older – I think I was 19 going on 20. My first experience was nothing spectacular. Really, it wasn’t. I don’t even remember the first time. I know it was somewhere at my ex boyfriend’s brothers apartment – but I don’t remember how it happened. I just know – he was in, he was out and I was somehow bruised a little. No music, no candles, no flowers and certainly no soft whispers in my ears – Just my new boyfriend slamming in to my dry patched wood. 
And even though we dated for almost two years and had sex every other day. It was something I did to please him…to keep him – to feel connected to him.

In fact, if I ever had sex – it was always for the man and never for my own pleasure. I had been so disillusioned by popular myths, that men cared the most about FOOD and SEX – and that, it was the only way to their heart or to keep our connection with them – 12 years later, I know that is absolutely 100% hogwash.

Geez! You can do a million Brazilian squats a day, wear his boxers as your straw hat, waltz down the cold Alaskan slope butt NAKED on a zip line, fold your lacy Victoria secret panties as his pocket square, use his sperm as your daily moisturizer, and serve him the moon for breakfast and the sun for dinner…
You can even squeeze your “Vijayjay” till the damn thing is tighter than a heavy slap, rinse your snatch with cold freshly squeezed pineapple juice or even screw him standing on your head, while sucking your thumb, Ha h ha…I bet you, that a man who didn’t already value you - will never VALUE you, because earning his love and respect, unfortunately has nothing to do with him BUT everything to do with you and how much YOU value and love yourself. And what unacceptable behaviour, you are willing to tolerate or draw the line on. 
Of course, I had to learn these, the hard way - after all the times I had played “Fetch and Catch” or tea bagged him, despite my very sore and inflamed tonsils, only to hear he was still plumbing his ex-girlfriend’s community pipes.

I also had to learn what my preference was after being dragged in to a threesome, and realising there’s absolutely nothing I fancy about sexual theatrics. I don't want to be skipping ropes in the bedroom, doing the somersault and trying to prove to my partner that I have a freakin' rubber band for a waist. Ha! Oh and please...There's also nothing cool about sharing a man with a friend or even worse, a stranger. Three for me is a crowd. Chew on that!

Now it’s all so different for me…I couldn’t care less if a man I’m seeing, has blue balls or red balls or a giant pokadot on his penis about to burst – I only step in between the sheets for me, BECAUSE I realised that sex ought to be a tool of my own innate EXRESSION, an art of communicating my own deepest desires and my truest feelings – not his.

It is the language for which I will use my body to express affection in a way - words cannot even describe.

And no matter how society has reduced sex to nothing more than a commodity, or a bargaining tool. It is NOT a tool for manipulation or a tool to measure a person’s character or even a tool to earn favours. Unfortunately we women still use SEX to get “love” from men, and Men use LOVE to get “sex” from us. How ironic?
Still, it didn’t stop me from craving an experience I only read in Magazines. And worry about the moment I was going to experience my own “Soul Sex” or even have my partner reach the damned G-Spot.

I mean I was starting to fear that I was going to end up one of those women who will go through life without experiencing an ORGASM. I mean a real earth shattering climax. Yes! I've said it over and over again in my blogs.

I'm one of those magic O's. I reach heaven every once in a leap year. Expecting me to orgasm is pretty much like performing magic, waving that mystical wand at the Power Holding Commission in Nigeria and suddenly expecting our very epileptic power supply to stabilize. Like for real?? Ha Ha Ha. Oh please, I'm in my 30’s. I don’t believe in Magic tricks.

So Imagine a Penis dribbling and pummelling away, pounding me....Aaarrgh!

That's the sound of flesh against flesh. My insides get a little weird sensation. I'm MOANING and grimacing....maybe grimacing and moaning. Not sure in which order, it follows though.
I think I'm going to’s coming. Err....I mean, I'm cumming....Oh Shucks! Bloody HELL… Don't go....Don't stop! Not now...Oh no! Damn!
Whew! Black out!
Nothing happened. And then, the idiot on top of me stiffens, HE goes limp and he lays flat like a pack of cards. Ha!

For a moment - I thought it was me it was him. Schmuck!!!

“Did you enjoy it Alex?” (Why? Seriously??? Why ask me this kind of question?)
Err, yea... (I smile) “What do you think?” - I ask him…Of course, that's me trying not to LIE and still hoping not to deflate his ego or SHRINK his already limb penis.

My eye takes a quick stroll down south. Oh Yeah, Mr Penis is asleep alright - Selfish bastard. Ha Ha Ha.
That pretty much has been the story of my SEXUAL life.

I can count how many times, I have achieved a climax from penetration on one hand....I mean, I pretty much have resigned myself to the fact that only two ways can make it happen.

I either help myself. (Don't wince. It’s okay, it’s okay if you do it too. They say It’s healthy. As long as it’s not an everyday habit - Ask your therapist. It’s your body, remember....and it takes me less than five minutes on a good day....BAM!)

That OR the man I'm dating, simply has to go down on all fours and EAT like his life totally depends on it. Which by the way, is usually the most realistic consolation for me.
So on this very fine day, after staying months away from sex.

Yes, I always take months on end – when I choose to be celibate (I’ve done somewhere between six months to 19 months without any- and no I didn’t die.) on several occasions. But this time somewhere around the seventh month, I fell flat on my back, on what was the most unplanned sexual encounter, any grown woman could anticipate.

I had been out for a drink with Pony (not his real name....and don't ask me why I like to name my men after animals or why I even attract a TIGER and a PONY) Hehehe.

So Pony, my Ex who I hadn't seen in 12 years was in town and wanted to meet up for some business discussion. Of course, I'm always available for BUSINESS as long as it's in line with my vision... Tap that!...Err... (To read more - Pre-order a copy of the book - I BARED MY CHEST right HERE and receive a bonus audio version of my chapter)

So, what are your personal views about SEX? Are you able to have an honest conversation about it and express what they are? Well, there's more where that came from - as 20 other unstoppable women join me in sharing their own unique views on sex amongst other important subjects that affect us as individuals..

Don't wait till the March 8 release.You can now PRE-ORDER your special copy of this global book HERE and get a bonus audio version of Chapter 1 and 2. You can also read one of my recent excerpt THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT REAL WEALTH on Huffington Post.

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